Adult children are living at home longer than in the recent past, and in some cases returning home after having lived on their own for a while.  The obvious reason behind this is economics, but there are some benefits too, and it allows us to revisit some older wisdom about readiness for independence. 

The Pew Research Center conducted a survey in early 2012 and had some surprising results.  First, in 1940 about 28% of adult children who were not students lived with parents.  During World War II and the 1950s the number of adult children living with parents steadily declined until around 1980 when the percentage dropped to 11%.  From 1980 onward that percentage slowly rose until 1990 where it stayed constant at around 15% until the millennium.  As the dot.com bubble burst, the floodgate of adult children living with parents opened.  By 2010, the last year of census data reported in the survey, the percentage approached 22%.  So, we are looking at percentages that seem similar to those in the US in the last throes of the Great Depression. 

Economics aside, there is another good reason for young adults to continue living at home:  brain development.   The prefrontal cortex, part of the emotional control center of the human brain, does not fully develop until around age 25.  Here are some of the activities controlled by this part of the brain:

• Focusing attention
• Organizing thoughts and problem solving
• Foreseeing and weighing possible consequences of behavior
• Considering the future and making predictions
• Forming strategies and planning
• Balancing short-term rewards with long term goals
• Shifting/adjusting behavior when situations change
• Controling impulses and delaying gratification
• Modulating intense emotions
• Inhibiting inappropriate behavior and initiating appropriate behavior
• Simultaneously considering multiple streams of information when faced with complex and challenging information

No wonder there are more risky behaviors in the teen and young adult age group!

For most of our history, as the study by the Pew Research Center hints, families kept young adults home longer where they were supervised.  Until around 1970, colleges viewed their role as one of supervising almost-adults, and often dormitories had a house-parent.  That view of young adults shifted during the late 1960s and early 1970s.  I suspect it was due to the Vietnam War where the general belief was that if people were old enough to die in a war, they were old enough to vote, drink and be treated as adults.  We continue to feel the ramifications of that decision.  Mothers Against Drunk Driving helped to increase the drinking age to 21 but society has not yet dealt with the underlying issue of young adult behavior.  Physiologically speaking, people in their teens and early twenties should not be treated as adults.  The military discovered this early and during the years of the draft refused to draft anyone over the age of 28.  The reason was that when soldiers were ordered to perform an operation with e.g. an 80% death rate, the under-25’s would figure that they and one other would survive unscathed while the over-25’s knew it was most likely a death sentence. 

There were some other findings of note in the Pew Research Center study.  In general, 48% of families had no change in relations due to adult children staying at home, 25% worsened the relation and 24% improved.   Another significant statistic is that 22% of adult children receive allowances from their parents.  Interestingly, 80% of adult children living at home said they did not have enough money to live the life they wanted.  55% of those living on their own had the same response.  This shows a significant difference in the situations of the two groups.

So, now that we have reviewed the statistics, let’s explore the ramifications of children living at home.  The key to success is having the children contribute to the household.   Adult children can and should take on responsibilities for chores just like they did/would do at college or with roommates.  Contributing financially to the household is also important if at all possible.  This sets a precedent for the rest of life, teaches self-care skills, and eases some of the burden on the family.

We no longer live in an agrarian society that requires older kids to labor or the farm fails.  While needing to wake up early to milk the cows may no longer be what keeps young adults from partying too much the night before, coming home to Mom and Dad may just help them strike the right balance between fun and responsibility.  And the lessons in self-reliance from our agrarian days need not be abandoned.  We may not require help around the farm, but studies show that most human beings are happier when they can contribute to the household and society at large. 

References:

http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2012/03/15/the-boomerang-generation/?src=prc-headline