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Gratitude

by | Nov 22, 2010 | Articles

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.

~ Melody Beattie

As Thanksgiving approaches, we extend our warm wishes for a beautiful celebration of gratitude with your friends and family.  Most of us have well practiced rituals for this day that bring meaning and connection to our lives. If you are interested in spicing up or freshening up your rituals this Thanksgiving, consider the offerings below, excerpted with permission fromAppreciative Moments: Stories and Practices for Living and Working Appreciatively. iUniverse, 2008.

Our family will be “practicing” something new. Instead of an intimate family gathering at home, we will be joining friends in New Hampshire … and their friends, for a large gathering of folks. Right now I am imagining everyone at the table, and appreciating the bounty of friends and the diversity of views. Conversation is enlivening, compelling and heartfelt. Laughter fills the air as turkey fills our tummies.

Today and always, we are grateful for your presence in our lives.

How might we honor the spirit of giving thanks this year in a way that does two things:

~ Creates as much appreciation as we can stand, and

~ Addresses the question, ‘How can we get more of this sense of appreciation, more days of the year?’

Here are a couple of rituals of appreciation and abundance for Thursday, and three for the week leading up to the Big Day:

Thanksgiving Day

1. The host or other Designated Appreciator (the D.A., for short) can tap a glass with a spoon, get everyone’s attention, and propose the following: “Could we capture the spirit of Thanksgiving by going around the table (or the room), and each one of us saying two or three things that you feel especially grateful or thankful for today?” And the host or the D.A. models the process by going first, thereby making it safe for people to be personal (and even profound) in their declarations. When everyone who wishes to has taken a turn, it might be appropriate for the D.A. to add, “I wonder if anyone has any thoughts about what we could do to have that sense of gratitude or thankfulness not just today, but more of the time?” And just wait. See what thoughts and insights are offered. If none arise, the D.A. might offer their own thoughts, and leave it at that. And then, of course, pass the stuffing.

2. Alternatively, the host or D.A. can suggest after dinner (if a football game isn’t on the TV and if everyone isn’t in the throes of a Tryptophan-induced nap) that folks share stories about a time during the past year when they felt especially blessed, in whatever area of their life. Depending on the size of the gathering, it may be best not to go around the room. It might more comfortable and lead to a deeper experience to gather in threes or fours, and give each person a couple or three minutes to tell their story to the listeners, whose job is simply to listen. Afterwards, the D.A. might say, “Wow! Here are some things I learned in listening,” relate what he heard, and wait to see who else wants to share.

The Week Before

1. Right now, look within yourself and look around you, and enumerate all the things you’re grateful for. Then at dinner this evening, report on your experience, mentioning a few of the items on your gratitude list. Invite others to do the same. Make the point that a day of thanks-giving doesn’t have to always fall on the fourth Thursday in November. You might be surprised at who reports, and at what they say.

2. Before Thursday, make an Abundance List. Write down the following Abundance Areas, or make up your own:

  • Family
  • Work
  • Community
  • Religion / Spirituality
  • Health
  • Friends
  • Finances
  • Stuff (iPods, a car that works, comfortable shoes, toothpaste)

In one or more of the above areas, list the things you feel abundant about. Place a check mark next to items that you can do something about having more of. You might then jot down specific actions to take. You may find, however, that simply making a check-mark serves to plant it in your mind and prompts you to take action. As always, do whatever works for you.

3.  Here’s a final exercise to do in your mind’s eye before Thanksgiving Thursday: Picture each person you’ll be spending Thanksgiving Day with. Mentally make the rounds of the anticipated dinner table. For each person, silently identify what you love most about them, their most admirable qualities, or a memory of a happy time spent with them. Experience the positive feelings that go with these positive memories. Repeat these mental rounds each day before Thursday, and watch what happens. You may find that it increases your sense of anticipation (which we can call Anticipatory Savoring), and your enjoyment of Thanksgiving Day. And because of the positive energy you’ll be exuding when Thursday rolls around, you’ll be amplifying others’ enjoyment of the day.

I wish you and yours a Thanksgiving Week filled with abundance and appreciation. And 364 other days like that.

Practices

1. Apply the first Designated Appreciator ritual during your Thanksgiving dinner, no matter how many people are around the table. Alternatively, apply the second Designated Appreciator ritual after the meal. (You can do either or both Practices even if you’re dining alone. It may sound a little weird, but I’ve done it, and it works.) Almost invariably, when it’s over someone will express their thanks for your suggesting the exercise. After acknowledging their appreciation, then ask “How did this work for the rest of you?”

2. Before Thursday, make your own Abundance List. Invite others in your household to make their own lists. On Thursday, suggest that everyone share their lists.

3. Invite members of your household to experience the pre-Thanksgiving guided imagery exercise of picturing who would be seated around the Thanksgiving dinner table. Ask them to share their images. Wonderful things can happen.

~ Noting similarities between people in what they anticipate can be very confirming and enriching, and can also increase the savoring when Thursday comes.

~ Discovering differences in what is anticipated can broaden everyone’s sense of abundance, and can also increase people’s understanding of each other’s frame of reference—always a good thing.

4. At least once per month, review your own Abundance List. See what happens when you de-link it from a milestone event like Thanksgiving and make it part of your ongoing routine.

5. Invite your family to conduct a monthly review of everyone’s Abundance List. It can become a meaningful family ritual.

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