Affected by War
There are moments that we pause our personal concerns and take a broader view. At Colman Knight we are feeling these moments in the horrors of war on the other side of the world. This month’s CK News offers what some of you may be seeking – the answer to: “What can I do?”
Helplessness is a very real feeling. But we in the US are not helpless; we are safe in a land where democracy, however flawed, still operates. This truth is something to be celebrated and cherished.
If you too are asking, “What can I do?”, reputable relief opportunities are noted below, with descriptions and links to take action.
Applicable to war dynamics or with any inter- or intra-personal conflict (including money concerns), we close with a learning opportunity about the roles of the Drama Triangle, and how to choose more authentic empowerment.
Do Not Forget Us
The blog linked below from my friend and mentor Ann Linea [bio here], inspired me to offer this month’s topic for CK News. I’ve known Ann and
her partner Christina Baldwin for two decades. Ten years ago, they led my Vision Quest just before I turned 50. I will join Christina for a writing retreat at the end of April. To know these wise women is a blessing and to introduce you to them, their work, and the invitation for giving is another reflection of the importance of integral wealth.
In her blog post, she shared about a present-time meeting with Ukrainian members of her Wilderness Guides Council, some of whom called into the zoom meeting from bomb shelters and blackout.
At the close of the call, the Ukrainian members entreated,
“Do not forget us!”
Hot Meals Outreach
World Central Kitchen, an organization founded by José Andrés, is deeply moving and worthy. Food-providing volunteers, currently called “#Chefs for Ukraine”, are mobilized to central places of need.
Activated by human crisis, they bring dignity and hope through a healthy meal. “You see, food relief is not just a meal that keeps hunger away. It’s a plate of hope. It tells you in your darkest hour that someone, somewhere, cares about you.”
We cannot think of anything more important than letting the people of Ukraine know that we care about them.
World Central Kitchen – “Food is a universal human right.”
https://wck.org/
https://wck.org/news/stories-from-ukraine
https://donate.wck.org/give/396273/#!/donation/checkout
Other Relief Efforts in Ukraine
Three trustworthy organizations for your donations:
— Ukraine Crisis Fund. The international humanitarian group is providing food, water and other items to families fleeing violence in Ukraine. Contribute here.
— Doctors without Borders. Staffers with the medical relief organization remain in Ukraine and are “seeking ways to respond to the medical and humanitarian needs as the conflict evolves.” Offer support here.
— ICRC. The Swiss-based organization is supporting the work of the Ukrainian Red Cross in helping those impacted by the war. Donate to the ICRC.
Experiment with Money Concerns
with a Reliable Tool
The Drama Triangle, as originated by Stephen Karpman, models the connection between personal responsibility and power in conflicts, and the destructive and shifting roles people play. He defined three roles in the conflict (and the names have been updated by others): Victim, Villain, and Hero.
The Victim seeks to convince themself and others that they cannot do anything and all attempts are futile, despite trying hard. One payoff for this stance is avoiding real change.
The Villain proclaims “It’s all your fault,” and is controlling, blaming, critical, oppressive, angry, and superior.
The Hero‘s line is “Let me help you.” A classic enabler, the Hero feels guilty if they don’t go to the rescue.
A drama triangle arises when a person steps on one of the corners taking a role of a victim, villain or hero. To stay on the triangle requires others to take on a different role. Or, it is possible engage an “internal triangle” and run the bases by yourself, says Dr. Kathlyn Hendricks (Katie). These roles are not static and can rotate among the participants. We typically stay on the triangle enacting personas that enabled our needs to be met at an earlier stage in life when they were not met by “just being” our true self.
When we have a money issue that is not easily resolved, this tool is great support in discovery of the emotions and actions that influence our behavior. Through practice, we find that fear underscores many of our responses.
The way out of the Drama Triangle is to take 100% responsibility, not more, not less, for oneself.
Dr. Hendricks offered a video series to teach tools for stepping out of the Triangle, and invited our very own Gayle Colman to lead one of the follow-up classes.
Gayle’s class, “Befriending Your Villain Personas: How to Love your Power” will be held on March 23 at 8pm ET.
As an opportunity to play (very important!) with the three roles of the triangle, please view Dr. Hendricks’ teaching session here:
Introduction to the Drama Triangle with Katie Hendricks
Source for defining Karpman’s Drama Triangle: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karpman_drama_triangle
